Scared (A Poem)

Scared
by Nancy McLeod

I’m scared
It’s paralyzing
What is to become
Of me

Where am I headed?
Is this all
I will become

It’s terrifying
What might be
Or
What will be

I have to face
My fears
I can’t go on
Feeling this way

I’m scared
I’m terrified
What the future
Will be
I’m just so
Scared

Driving (A Poem)

Driving by Nancy McLeod

Driving on the highway
Driving too fast
Too many pressures
Faster and Faster

Traffic stops dead
There’s a squeal
Of brakes
The car becomes airborne

Then it’s over
All the pain
All the suffering

Yes the pain
Is gone but
Now it’s transferred
To the Ones
Left behind

How will they deal
With their loss?
Their Pain?
Will they do the same?

Will they loose it all
On the highway
Driving....

You and Me (a poem)

You and Me
by Nancy McLeod

We’ve been chatting for what seems
like forever
I feel like we have known each
other forever
my sweet man

I feel I can tell you my inner
most secrets
Things I wouldn’t share with
just anyone

I feel I can trust you and
that is such a big thing
This coming from a
woman who lost all
Trust in mankind

Now I’m at a point with
you that I feel you will
accept me for what I am

This relationship will be
built on trust, love and
friendship

I pray with all my heart
we will have a long and
loving relationship

You have given me something
I thought I would never find
A man who truly loves
me for me and will love
me regardless

Lets travel through time
together
Lets have a life journey of love
and laughter

Just the two of us
You and Me

On family

I just don't get it! Families can be so troubling, I think I've been ousted. Things really changed when my parents passed away. I believe there were certain jealousies when my parents were alive but never voiced. I heard indirectly that one of my siblings thought I had been taking advantage of my situation with my father. I had lived with my father for many years. He had told me that he was happy to have me living with him. He was so lonely after my mother passed away. He was a great help to me and I hope I helped him as well.

I feel after my mother passed away, I was given a special time with my father. A time a child and their parent rarely experience. I got to know my father as an adult, such a different experience then as a child. Let's face it as a teenager we perceive that we know everything and our parents just don't get it. I did get to know my father better but we were always close. It was very hard when my father passed away for my daughter and myself. We saw him every day, ate our meals together and talked. My daughter had a special bond with her grandfather, she felt he was more a father than a grandfather. My daughter didn't see her father for 2 years after her father and I separated.

So many things happened after my father passed away between my siblings and myself. It took me a long time to grieve and it seemed that my siblings were over his death quickly. They couldn't wait to get rid of the house,the contents and just move on. This was my home for 6 years and I was asked why I was still living there by one of my siblings. I think they were afraid I wasn't going to move. Well I did move and I was able to find closure. Now 4 years later I don't hear from my siblings unless I phone or send an email.

The other day a thought popped into my head, there comes a time when you just have to let people go. I'm at a time in my life where I just don't want to play the games people play. You know the ones where people put one person against another. Sorry I'm tired of those kind of games. So if my family wants to be part of my life they had better do something about it. I'm tired and I just want peace in my life.

My dogs

I recently adopted two dogs, we had answered an ad on a website. In the ad it said the dogs had been rescued from an abusive owner. When my husband phoned he asked me to talk to the owner. I said it mentions that the dogs had been abused, the female might be pregnant and the dogs had never been separated. The reply came back yes, we had rescued them from someone that wanted to leave the dogs outside all the time. I asked her why she thought the female might be pregnant. She said well I'm not a vet. I also asked if they were two years old and if they were brother and sister, she said yes they were two years old and no, not brother and sister.

We drove three and half hours to the house they were located at. The owner had her relatives met us and talk about the dogs. The dogs seemed very friendly and looked fine. Well I didn't look closely enough. I had paid for the dogs when my husband said have you paid for the dogs? I said yes and then he asked is there something wrong with the females eye? They said yes she is missing an eye. The previous owner pulled on the collar so much the eye popped out.

The strange thing is the night before I had a thought that what we were doing was the right thing to do. It was if something was driving me to take the dogs.

We took the dogs and put them in the backseat of our car. The male dog cried as soon as we drove away. I think he was worried about where he was going. I brought the dogs to the front seat and put them on my lap. The male dog quieted down right away. I noticed that his one eye didn't look right, it was a bluish color. When we stopped for gas my husband checked his eye and said there was a dent in his eye.

I'm really surprised the owner never mentioned that both dogs had problems with their eyes. I would think that they shouldn't have asked for much considering the dogs are going to need medical attention.

Once we were home we put them in the backyard for about ten minutes. Then we brought them in to meet our other dogs. They all seem to get along pretty good, I know it'll take time for them to trust the other dogs.

The next day I took the two dogs to the vet. The female I named Summer, the vet said she was about two to three years old. She wasn't pregnant but about to go into heat. Her eye had ruptured and had shrunk to the size of a raisin. Other than her eye, the vet said she was in good health. The male, my husband named Ben, the vet said was not two years old but probably around 5 years old. His eye had a whole in it, she had stained it to be sure. She said he would have to have eye drops and have the eye re stained in one week. The vet gave Summer a parvo shot in case she became pregnant. She didn't want to give Ben any shots until his eye healed.

It's only been a few days but I believe Ben and Summer were terribly abused. Ben reacts when he sees my husband or my stepson but he does nothing when he sees me. In the morning when I let him out of his cage, he wages his tail. When my stepson tried Ben started barking and growling at him. My stepson said he looked like Cujo. Ben has been nothing but sweet with me. He loves to have his ears scratched, he strikes me as having had no attention.

It is terrible what people will do to animals. I think it is disgusting how abusive people can be. One of our other dogs, we rescued from Regina, I believe was hit repeatedly. He was scared of a tea box when I took it out of the cupboard. He ran out of the room when I took a page off of the calendar. A year later he still ducks when we go to pat him. These dogs will never forget what was done to them, hopefully they will live a happy life with us.

Smal town living

I moved to a small town from a city that had a population of 120,000 people. I met my husband on Facebook, he had always lived in a small town. So I felt it would be best for me to move to his town. I've lived in a small town for the past three years. I always thought small towns were more friendly than living in the city. I think that is a myth that should be squashed. I believe that when someone new comes to live in my small town, they aren't accepted. I know I am not accepted in my town.

I shop in the stores, I'm always friendly and eager to chat but I'm greeted with an awkwardness. I get the feeling that they have a bet as to how long it is before I move!

Don't get me wrong I enjoy the small town environment, it is very peaceful something that I've been searching for. It is a more relaxed environment. It's just not what I expected when I moved here.

Last year I started seriously taking photographs of the wildlife, birds and the scenery. I was told I should sell my photographs by a number of people. I started working on getting my photographs ready, I also made note cards of my photographs. I went to a Small business show last year but the town people were pretty negative. I was told that they hated the deer, that they probably had the same photograph and one person said to me, what made you get into that! I didn't make much money at that show. Then I was invited to a Art Show and Sale the following month. I couldn't believe how friendly the people were, I was amazed! It was in a town about the same size as my town. I went again last month to the Art Show and Sale. I probably won't go again as it is 90 minutes away. By the time I paid for the gas and the table, it really wasn't worth it.

Then I heard about the Farmers Christmas Market from a store clerk. She said her daughter did really well selling her cards. She said they weren't photographs but handcrafted cards. So last month I booked a table. Days before I was pretty positive I would make money, unfortunately I didn't sell one item. The days following I was very depressed, it's not just selling my merchandise it's obvious I'm not being accepted. I've known it for a while but it hit me really hard. I wanted to be part of the community but I can see now I never will be. I'll just be someone who moved to their town, who they are waiting to see how long it takes before I pack up and leave.

It's now been a week since the market and I'm coming to terms with it. I'm looking to the internet to sell my photographs and note cards. Hopefully I'll have better luck.

In closing, to anyone who knows of someone moving into their town or neighborhood, take the time to be friendly. Take the time to think how hard it might be for them moving to a new environment. To a small town.

On People

Sometimes I wonder about people. For instance today I said I had put a comment on "Homer's" profile on Facebook (he's a dog, who's owner updates the status with his activities). The comment was, that the boys were thinking of him while they had pizza the other night. His status said thanks! I'll think of them the next time when I have pizza. After I said this I was told you know he isn't real? I said the dog is real. Laughter came from the person and they said he didn't make the comments, you know that? More laughter. I said don't be an idiot, of course I know the dog didn't put the comments! Wow you must think I'm really stupid! I wonder is this person making fun of me or am I just too sensitive?